Engineers working for United Utilities in water-starved North West England say they may have found 'a bit of a leak' in the largest reservoir in the region.
Plumbers were called to a coffee shop on the shoreline of Windermere early on Thursday morning following the owner's report of 'a damp smell' and 'soft, squidgy carpets' throughout the whole seating area and kitchen.
'I popped off the skirting board and immediately spotted that most of the contents of the lake were leaking into the property,' said Dave Camden, CORGI certified engineer from nearby Ambleside. 'I've stuffed the hole with some PTFE and a bit of Boss White, but I'm not convinced that it'll hold back the entire three-hundred-billion litres for very long.'
United Utilities have 'apologised profusely' to the owners of Lazy Daisy's Lakeland Kitchen for the outflow of some 'several thousand gallons per day' through their property, and believe that they will be able to remove the threat of a hosepipe ban in the region once the leak is properly plugged using 'best practise' methods of mud, shredded tyres and golf balls.