Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond has retaliated to an announcement by George Osborne that an independent Scotland would not be able to share the pound with the remaining parts of the UK by threatening to withdraw English access to many of Scotland's key contributions to the Union, including Irn Bru, North Sea oil and Steven Naismith of Everton.
The Scottish government wants Scotland to retain sterling as part of a currency union with the rest of the UK in the event of a a 'Yes' vote in September's referendum, but the leaders of all three Westminster parties have afreed that there is no legal reason why the rest of the UK would agree to this. However, they have agreed to refrain from doing 'that joke' about Andy Murray.
Deputy Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon accused Westminster of taking a bullying attitude in trying to 'lay down the law to Scotland, as if it was part of ... er, hang on a moment...'. Added Sturgeon: 'We're not bluffing. And we haven't even mentioned the whisky yet. Do you know, there's only one whisky made in England, it's from Norwich for fuck's sake and it tastes awful.'
'Wha's like us?'