God is hopping mad with us for appointing Chris Smith as head of the Environment Agency, according to sources. Rumours emerging from heaven indicate that the recent floods were revenge for giving a useless quango-crat a crucial job that affects the lives of millions of people.
God watchers argue that the almighty is trying to tell us something. "The message from God is simple," said one of God's representatives on earth: "Get rid of that useless buffoon before he does more damage."
Despite his omnipotence, God has long been recognised for his hands off management style. He is said to prefer to let his subjects learn from their own mistakes, rather than constantly micro-manage them. It's a policy that has caused him immense pain over the years, and mystified his followers. But sources close to God say that the so-called 'mysterious ways' strategy is better in the long term as mankind tries to come to grips with the meaning of life.
However, the appointment of Chris Smith as head of the Environment Agency sent God into an uncontrollable rage. As he watched the event on his monitor, God is said to have erupted with anger, shouting helplessly at the screen: "No, no no! You are having a laugh aren't you? That bloke's utterly utterly useless."
As Smith began to make a series of grimly predictable cock ups, God's mood became progressively darker. As Smith began the process of collecting millions of pounds and then blowing it on pet projects, our lord finally decided to act. "Good grief. He's been bleating about climate change for years. So what does he spend his budget on? Flood defences perhaps? No, he spends two million quid on spin doctors! Suddenly climate change doesn't matter. Now that's what I call a climate change denier."
Though he vowed not to interfere, God became increasingly agitated at the behaviour of Smith, and humanity's tendency to let away with it. Having ruled out a thunderbolt, a plague of locusts and a second coming, God decided a flood was the best 'act' in his portfolio of messages. It worked pretty well with Noah, said advisors. "Thank God I didn't ask Chris Smith to build the ark," God joked, "God know what he'd have done!"