The world was shocked today to learn that early 20th Century child star Shirley Temple was alive as recently as 24 hours ago.
Ms Temple, who was "famous" for starring in saccharine black and white musical films such as Bright Eyes and Curly Top, as well as her unbearably treacly "trademark" song "On the Good Ship Lollipop", died in her home at Woodside, California on Monday night, not over 50 years ago, as many people had assumed.
"This is absolutely shocking news," claimed one mourner, David Wells of Hollywood. "I thought she died at least by the 1980s. I must have been thinking of Bette Davis."
Although Ms Temple stopped appearing in films before the onset of puberty, she apparently worked for the UN or something equally low profile.
She frequently appeared in public malls in the Woodside area from 1979 to 2012, although no one actually recognized.
Shop assistant Marsha Clark said "You mean that sweet old lady was actually Shirley Temple? Oh my god, I feel like a moron for joking about her name ever year when she bought her nephews the same scarf for Christmas!"
Ms Temple died peacefully in her sleep surrounded by loved ones, hired caregivers, and a visible absence of bloodsucking representatives of the industry that ceased to care about her seven decades ago.
She is survived by three nephews, a personal assistant, and an alcohol-free cocktail made of lemonade and grenadine.