Nick Clegg is still to locate the toilets in the Prime Minister's Downing Street residence, a close confidant revealed yesterday. "People keep deliberately misinforming him," explained the source. "First he got sent to the kitchens, then to a broom cupboard, and then he got directed to a door that turned out to be an emergency rear exit and he set off the alarm when he opened it. Apparently everyone who works there is in on the joke and thinks it's hilarious. They're wondering if they can keep it up for the full term."
In an act of desperation brought on by three cups of coffee, Clegg is said to have finally summoned the courage to ask David Cameron himself when visiting one morning. "Cameron just ignored him," said the anonymous source. "It was like he'd never spoken. Like he didn't even exist." When pressed the source said, "No, I don't think Cameron is in on the joke."