Relationship counsellors everywhere have been shaking their heads knowingly after the Prime Minister's latest impassioned entreaty to Scotland. Tamsin Potter from Relate advised, 'He won't get anywhere by acting desperate. He should play it cool. Insouciance is the key.'
Traditionalist dating experts have advocated a more direct approach. 'Give Scotland a slap then maybe go out with southern Ireland. That will get you some respect. Mind you, if you shag Eire you had better take precautions or be ready to face the consequences.'
Meanwhile friends of the couple have suggested that certain people should 'stay out of it if they know what is good for them'. An un-named spokesman for the gang Mates Of GB confided, 'That Gerry Adams has been mixing it. He never did like England and Scotland going steady, and now he'd like nothing more than to see them split up.'
After taking advice from the London Mayor re the success of Nick Clegg's 'Sorry' video, the Prime Minister is rumoured to be working on a cover of The Prodigy's 'Smack My Bitch Up', to impress Alex Salmond on February 14th.