The Brain of former Labour MP Chris Smith tonight aimed a series of savagely critical barbs at the corporeal form of the current Lord Smith who, in a career move only rivalled by Sir Ben Kingsley's decision to cameo as Guru Tugginmypudha in notorious Hollywood Turkey "The Love Guru" for innate dumbness, decided to be head of the Environment Agency during one of the most sustained and miserable periods of winter flooding in recent UK History.
"I CANNOT believe this" said Lord Smith's brain while being shown scenes of total devastation on the Somerset Levels "I want to be here even less than Kris Kristofferson wanted to be on the set of 1980 Mega-Bomb "Heavens Gate"." The hostile reception given to Lord Smith by local residents was generally agreed to be even worse than the reception given by California test audiences in Pasadena and Glendale to 1986 divebomb "Howard the Duck".
The day didn't improve for Lord Smith when resident Sheila Archer showed Lord Smith the three feet of brackish still water in her kitchen and lounge. "I didn't feel he really understood what we're going through here. He wasn't genuinely interested at all. Still,at least he wasn't as phoney as Bruce Willis in 1991 stench burger "Hudson Hawk". Now that WAS a piece of shit."