Thousands of Facebook users have been left disappointed today, after a newly-released feature enabling users to view a 90-second clip of their friends’ ‘highlights’ since joining the network, has left many facing the realisation that their friends are, in fact, ‘rubbish’.
Tom Parker from Runcorn, who has spent much of the last few days watching ‘life montages’ of people he hasn’t spoken to for twenty-years, said: ‘I watched the ‘Look Back’ video of a girl I was infatuated with in high school. Like most men, I assumed that by now my high school 'dream girl' would be a lonely swimsuit model living in Miami or something, just waiting for an old school friend like me to get in touch. It turns out her life is basically just episodes of Coronation Street and a sepia-toned camera snap of a pizza in Frankie & Benny’s. And she’s fat now. Talk about crushing my fantasies and dreams’.
One user has reported experiencing ‘sobering’ feelings of self-realisation, after his own auto-generated montage revealed that an afternoon watching ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ in his underpants has been the ‘highlight’ of his life since 2006. ‘Is this what I’m all about?’ He quizzed after watching the video for the seventh time. ‘Surely a ‘highlight’ should be me gazing over a sun-kissed Serengeti from the top of Kilimanjaro or something, not a picture of an unusual flavour of Pringles I found in Tesco. Now I just feel this crushing wave of nothingness every time I open my eyes. Thanks for exposing me to the reality of my mundane existence, Facebook’.
Speaking from Nottingham University, Professor Daniel O’Hara, said: ‘Despite being associated with harrowing or near-death experiences, your life ‘flashing before your eyes’ has always been considered quite a romantic idea. You envision seeing washy black and white images of loved ones smiling and laughing, or an impossibly accurate memory of your daughter taking her first steps’.
He added: ‘Sadly, Facebook has forced many people to realise that, in reality, the ‘highlights’ of their existence are usually just something to do with cheap Polish vodka, or a crap camping weekend in Aberystwyth’.