An Italian family narrowly escaped death when Silvio Berlusconi's scrotal sack burst releasing his testes on an uncontrolled path of destruction.
The former prime-ministers love eggs, estimated to weigh between 4 and 5 tons each, are believed to have broken free after a vigorous bout of masturbation caused his ball bag to unzip.
After careering downhill towards a farm, the right bollock smashed through a barn whilst the slightly lighter left ball stopped just short of crushing the main farmhouse where the unsuspecting Fettucini family were eating dinner.
As stereotypical Italian farmer Mario Fettucini told us: “It'sa disaster! We were-a just having a lovely bowl of pasta when we heara da noise like Pavarotti on heat.”
“Da next thinga we know – da whola house shake-a like-a explosion. Only later we finda out that it was silvios giant plums.”
“I'ma just pleased the left ball stoppa shorta of the house or we coulda been crushed by his balls like-a death by a tea-bagging.”
“I wouldn't have minded if it had hita my car – ama alwaysa dogging witha the wife, so itsa not da first time that someone's a emptied da sack over the windscreen.”
A spokesman for Mr Berlusconi stated that “ever since leaving office mr Berlusconi has been missing his bunga bunga parties and anticipation of Foxy Noxy's return to Italy caused an uncontrollable build up of sexual frustration.”
“The resulting self-abuse caused an unexpected balls up – or in this case a balls down.”
Signore Fettucini sees it differently, “He shoulda controlleda himself, but you don'ta find a bigger wanker than a disgraced politician.”