New rules allowing vigilante action against rogue cyclists come in to effect today making it easier to dispense fast justice after lycra lout incidents.
The most welcomed change is the ability of any motorist or pedestrian to simply knock off a cyclist whizzing through a red light. A swift opening of the car door being the recommended option. Cyclists who ignore red lights at pedestrian and zebra crossings will also be given a good kicking after being knocked to the ground.
A rumour that large numbers of white vans and taxis were congregating along the cycle routes used daily by both David Cameron and Boris Johnson is currently being investigated.