After Environment Secretary Owen Paterson's
public mauling fact-finding mission in Somerset made the government aware that most of South West England now resembles Atlantis, Tory MP's have used their expense accounts to purchase dinghies to protect their second homes from possible flood damage.
Minister for Excess Water Cuthbert Fotheringay-Thomas said
"It was clear to us that better precautions against flooding need to be taken so we decided that purchasing dinghies was a sensible option to allow us to get our porcelain collections out of harms way as quickly as possible, as well as allowing us to row away from angry voters."
When asked what would be done to assist those who've been under water so long they've now developed webbed feet, the Minister said
"Resources are stretched and we need to prioritise those areas with people most likely to vote for us in the General Election next year."