Universal Credits Subject to Heisenberg Principle
After months of research, top Cambridge Physicist Stephen Hawking has confirmed the theoretical existence of a grand unifying benefit, or "Universal Credit."
'After months of experimentation in desolate unforgiving areas, like Yorkshire, I am pleased to confirm the positive detection of a effect that meets the Universal Credit function.' The cybernetic genius said in a statement today.
Professor Hawking went on to explain that while the outcome of the effect can be observed, actually seeing Universal Credit in effect was, in fact, impossible.
'The effect is identical to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, with an attempt to view one's Universal Credit causing it to disappear. This explains the slow uptake and vanishing of money when claimants attempt to apply. Where this money goes, is a question beyond our current understanding.'
Leader of Hawking's experimental team, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Iain Duncan Smith, was delighted with the findings. 'We had always been certain that Universal Credit could exist, but have now proved that while it is possible, it is so difficult to see that many will miss out. This proof goes hand-in-hand with our other research on banking, that proves money sent towards a dense object such as Fred Goodwin or Paul Flowers collapses into a Black Hole and will never be seen again.'