Government plans to allow 'e-shagging' by under-16s are expected to be announced by Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt soon.
'The e-shag, which works rather like an e-fag, will drastically cut teen pregnancies in our country,' said a government spokeswoman.
Although details of the e-shag have yet to be revealed, it's understood to involve a dildo-like device with a glowing tip.
But the announcement came as government plans were unveiled to make it illegal for under-18s to buy electronic cigarettes.
'Oh my god,' said Amanda Lusted (14), 'it's just ridiculous to allow one and not the other. When we've had a shag, Wayne always likes an e-fag afterwords.'