Two weeks ago, Lester Noddinoff became an unlikely hero by live-Tweeting his own mugging and doubling his Klout score overnight. "My social media ranking was so low, I was an embarrassment to my family," Nodinoff grunted through a broken jaw. "But after the mugging, my Klout score shot up to the mid 50's. People gave me Kred. Most of my new Twitter followers are human. Mum is so proud she even came by hospital for tea."
After news of Mr. Noddinoff's impressive ranking boost broke, thousands of social media outcasts began to haunt seedier London neighborhoods, hoping to be mugged.
"There aint no sport in it," complained Alex, the leader of a local gang. "They don't run no more. They just walk right up to us, Tweeting. Last night one of them tried to goad me by saying nice things about David Cameron. Me mates and I have taken to staying indoors playing video games until this fad blows over."
London mayor Boris Johnson has called for an emergency meeting of the Assembly next week to address the crisis. "I like social media too," he said at a press conference this afternoon. "But if the thugs do not end their strike soon, we are facing massive layoffs in the police force and local hospitals."
Sources inside City Hall revealed that Johnson and local gang leader Alex are close to a striking deal that could have the thugs back on the street by end of week. According to leaked documents, Johnson has offered to distribute £100 Google Ad-Word vouchers to any thugs found lurking in public. In addition, bounties of up to £500 in Ad-Words will be awarded for each mugging. The only outstanding point of negotiation is the gang's demand to provide free grief counseling for Londoners with low social media rankings. Johnson had initially refused citing budget concerns but now believes the services can be self-funded through Klout Perks if muggings rebound to pre-incident rates.