NewsBiscuit : Helpline launched by Manchester United

Helpline launched by Manchester United

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John Roughty

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In response to pressure from the Home Secretary, Theresa May, Manchester United have today introduced a new helpline for destraught and disillusioned supporters, reeling from the downturn in their teams fortunes this season. Significant pressure has been placed on emergency services, largely in the South of England, from fans presenting with self harming behaviours, and psychotic delusions. The helpline has been outsourced to Singapore, where it will be able to deliver a 'walk in' service to the club's core fan base.

Posted 1 month ago #
Sinnick

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Great idea, needs expansion

- this would be a new source of income: service would be expensive, with discount for season ticket holders. Those with Liverpool postcode ineligible
- must be some way of getting Moyes into the story

Posted 1 month ago #
godly1966

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Freephone 101010. that's won nothing won nothing won nothing.

Posted 1 month ago #
Sinnick

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I hate to say it, but that's a brilliant punchline, godly

Posted 1 month ago #
Jesus H

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Agreed but factually incorrect. Charity Shield counts!

Posted 1 month ago #

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