Hedge End Man has Epiphany
We interviewed a man from Hedge End near Southampton who has declared he has now discovered the true meaning of life, the universe and the ultimate irony. Mr Ronald Smelly (quite old) stated that after most of his life spent as a devout atheist his recent epiphany occurred in a sudden flash when his dog Pesky knocked over a standard lamp which fell on his head. "At first, I just saw stars and a number of bright blobs, which at first I thought was my brother in law and his wife, but turned out to be the effect of my medicine. The flashing and the stars coalesced into a galaxy shape thing spinning around my head with the centre being an enormous black hole."
In just a few, brief moments and with a bewildered look on his face Mr Smelly announced he had found The Meaning Of Life. It is so simple he exclaimed, it is "The Search." I have been looking all my life for the answer and since that deeply moving enlightening experience I now understand everything.
Ronny, as he likes to be called, stood motionless (apart from a little wobble) in the centre of the room looking about in wonderment and suggested the beauty and simplicity of it all is the "looking" - you never actually find a God - you just wait and hope it finds you. "I just know that one day it will come all over me when I least expect it" he said excitedly as he revolved slowly in homage to the search, "and not thinking about it is the answer and the ultimate puzzle."
"Those people around the world who think they have found a God are just deluding themselves - creating wars and havoc, building monuments to false idols while they all think (erroneously) that they have found the answer. The answer is the quest itself and not the answer - 'the beautiful conundrum' - let us look and pray" he said.
Ronny then rolled up his trousers above his knees and with a beaming smile told us that these had not seen the light of day since he last played badminton wearing his shorts back in the 1990's. I am thinking of having an eye tattooed on each kneecap to help with my search - this is all part of the great moving experience of life and the wonder of the quest he stated earnestly.
"Of course," he said, "I do view this whole religious experience with some ambivalence" as he kicked the dog and gave it a biscuit. He then got down on his bare knees and started to sniff around the floor muttering that you need to use as many senses as you have to follow the search.
"Aha" he said loudly as he proclaimed that he has found what he is looking for and it's not here, or there - so i'll just keep looking, he said, giggling his way around the skirting board.