The Crown Prosecution Service has made a belated request of Kurt Schrimm and other prominent German lawyers, to turn their considerable talents to the capture of notorious posterior gropers. Rather than waste their time on bringing Nazi collaborators to trial through ‘Operation Last Chance’, it is hoped they can focus on the ensnaring of fans of Benny Hill, any Italian male with a pulse and most of the 1970s.
However a spokesman for holocaust scholar, Efraim Zuroff, expressed some disappointment: ‘I feel we may have wasted decades unsuccessfully trying to capture the SS Doctor and mass murderer, Aribert Heim. Instead we could have just waltzed down to Southwark Crown Court and nabbed the Hairy Cornflake.’ A new generation of Nazi Hunters has pledged to bring to justice the like of Peter Sagan, most fake Santas and the entire populace of the UK’s night clubs.
The spokesman continued: ‘We should not trivialize derrière infringements. Likewise our response should be proportional. The thousands of pounds, police hours and press column inches are a small price to pay for buttock protection. It’s important that we don’t forget the heinous anus abuses of the past. Memories go far back – as early 84...maybe even 82. Three decades is a long time in tushy years. Bottoms are the innocent party – not every arse in the 80s was an arse.’