Rumours have surfaced claiming that Prime Minister David Cameron's nose is made out of plastic. It is thought that Mr Cameron originally wore his old nose off by repeatedly rubbing it when being asked questions regarding his father's tax dodging offshore accounts in Panama and Geneva from which the PM himself 'pocketed' £300 000.
Whitehall insiders are said to have been 'relieved' when the PM had his prosthetic nose replacement as they were worried that his original nose might have grown longer like Pinocchio's as he lied about everything from; UK military manoeuvers, fracking, Syria, Libya, LIBOR, MI6 cover ups, MI5 cover ups, HS2, MP's expenses, FSA reform, Rebekka Brookes, Charlie Brookes, The Brookes' horse, Andy Coulson, Jeremy Hunt, George Osbourne, Boris Johnson, Government lending, Government borrowing, the economy in general, bankers bonuses, lobby groups, education, NHS privatisation, immigration, the coalition, all foreign, domestic, national and international policies, the real reasons for not supporting Scottish independence, the entire official Conservative manifesto and every other single 'core belief' of the conservative party.
One particularly greasy Westminster political aide said recently, 'Thank God Dave's nose is made out of plastic. If it wasn't with all the bollocks he talks by now it would be as long as the Millenium Bridge.'