Russian President Vladimir Putin has been quick to confirm to the world today that Russia has ‘never suffered flooding’ in its entire history.
The remarkable claim follows comments made by UKIP councillor David Silvester, who blamed the UK’s recent floods on the government's decision to legalise gay marriage.
‘You won’t even find any phallic shaped clouds over Moscow’, Putin claimed today. ‘If we do receive intelligence of any suspiciously shaped masses of watery vapour floating about, they’ll be shot down immediately'.
'And let that be a warning to any other elongated cumulonimbuses hoping to empty their moist and probably diseased contents all over our people'.