The government has announced it is to halt all current and future research using animals after an animal rights petition called "Make the government not kill lots of animals" attracted a grand total of 1,000 signatures in just five months.
Pete_vegan4ever_Penguin, who started the petition, reported that he was overjoyed at his success and has announced that his other petition, "Chakra healing to be provided by the NHS" was almost at 600 signatures. In a statement to the BBC, Pete said:
"I looked at all the pictures of smoking beagles and thought - well this is wrong isn't it - I can't even afford to smoke and the government is giving dogs them for free. So I started the petition to get it all banned, and I totally did it."
When asked for a statement, the Home Office spokesman announced that:
"In the face of such clear and overwhelming public opinion we have decided to halt all medical research involving animals. While alternatives are found we have begun recruiting volunteers to replace animals in labs".
While the government not commented on the success of a human replacement schemes, sources from within the Home Office have reported a significant shortage of volunteers.
Animal rights activists have now called for the government to do more, demanding public trials for every researchers, veterinarian, technician and receptionist who has ever worked at an animal facility. Some activists have gone as far as suggesting animals make up half the jury, though others have merely demanded that horse and dog whisperers be included"
PETA members have called for a boycott at local pharmacies as part of their "I'd rather go naked than take my medicine" campaign.