Students at state schools who receive over £10 a week in pocket money will be stopped at the school gates by monitors, nicknamed 'Gove's Angels', and forced to voluntarily donate the cash to school funds. Although no physical force will be used, students who resist may see their grades go down and their cries of help ignored.
Executive Principal John Downes of the Enron Academy Trust, known as ‘Dear Leader’ by his students, said: ‘We need to see the students who are financially able to afford it, pay for this state education that they are receiving. Rebranding the school with the Enron Academy Trust brand doesn’t come cheap. We’ve had to organise new uniforms, new signage and gilt-framed portraits of our trustees.’
Speaking from his bunker, Education Secretary, Michael Gove, said: ‘This is a great way for schools to help pay for themselves. It costs a lot to run a school, you know. And children can’t expect to receive free education when they’re enjoying the benefits of pocket money. They don’t pay taxes, their trousers hang too low and they watch too much Blackadder. I want to see them pay their way.’
Some of the money raised will go towards the fees charged by the principal's husband's education consultation business, plus any costs arising from parents instituting legal proceedings after discovering the underhand financial wranglings of the academy trusts.