Doctors are baffled by a spate of 24hr bugs that swept the country yesterday keeping thousands of men off work, forced to 'drink plenty of fluids' while they 'put their feet up'. Employers are seeing them return to work today as they battle with the after-effects which include dehydration and hoarseness.
Factory worker Debbie Nye explained "I left for work early and my husband phoned me to say a few of the people in our street had gone down with a bad case of stomach-itis". Luckily for Debbie's husband the sick were able to congregate at a local pub, where they were cared for by a kindly landlord who set aside a special room for their recuperation, complete with a 60-inch plasma screen TV.
Claims that the mass absenteeism was somehow related to England's World Cup match against Slovenia at 3pm on Wednesday were quickly dismissed as 'pure coincidence'.
"I doubt that an England match could draw a crowd of that size these days." said one GP. "I mean, did you seen them perform against the USA? It was shocking."