The long running internet debate over ‘who would win in a fight’ between swashbucklers and Japanese assassins has at last been resolved. With sea based piracy at a six year low, it is clear that the nunchaku is superior to the hook hand and that stealth is a more likely source of surprise than shouting ‘Aha m’hearties!’ at every conceivable chance.
While the relative ‘coolness’ of both combatants is an established fact, Ninjas have emerged as more deadly, mysterious and less likely to reek of haddock. The 40% drop in Somali piracy, since its peak in 2011, is a clear evidence of the disadvantage in wearing an eye-patch when trying to dodge shuriken.
Walking on water, the Ninja has learnt to track its natural enemy off the Horn of Africa. Invisible to international navy patrols, these dark clad spies have easily overpowered any nautical Russell Brand lookalike. A wide array of websites are given to speculation about the ‘pirate vs. ninja conflict’, but the UN is convinced that the katana trumps the scurvy-ridden parrot, bandanas are best without beards and given the choice no self respecting ‘mutant turtle’ would opt for piracy.