New guidelines for bad movies will break film releases into three categories: Good, (G) Bollocks (B) and utter shite (Pirates of the Caribbean 2). The BBFC’s Adam Schmidt said: “In a survey our audiences told us that they’ve seen a shitload of crap films lately. We need to categorise these films in a language and context that even dickheads can understand to avoid the majority of people wasting perfectly good popcorn on total bollocks.
Schmidt continued: “One issue we need to consider carefully is the language used in film classification itself. Our survey showed that a surprising number of people thought the ‘U’ classification stood for ‘Utterly Wanky’, and the 18 category stood for the cost of the ticket in pounds. Needless to say these people are fucking thick as shit.”
Asked whether the BBFC took account of swearing in films themselves, Mr Schmidt admitted standing up in the middle of the Aviator at the Muswell Hill Odeon and shouting “Hands up if you think Leonardo di Caprio is a tosser!”