The World Health Organisation continued to mark the United Kingdom as red status for cases of The Sniffles, despite best efforts of pharmacists and alternative medicine.
The condition, also known as “feeling grotty”, “having a fuggy head” and “man flu” first came to prominence in the late 1980’s, as open-plan offices and closer working conditions caused an unprecedented outbreak of runny noses, sinus pressure and malaise at rates akin to the great 1917 influenza pandemic.
Thankfully, pharmaceutical companies were quick to act and quickly released a series of products that could control the off-colour feelings and symptoms for their duration, though a cure for this debilitating condition still seemed like a pipe-dream.
In the late 90’s, researchers at the prestigious Kugelschreiber Institute for Medical Research identified organic compounds from botanical sources that they hoped would spell an end to crackling chests and increased tissue consumption once and for all.
Unfortunately this product, known by its brand name Echin-Acea, has proved to be an ineffective vaccine and every year thousands are still afflicted by a disease that leads to thousands of man hours lost and an increase in viewing figures for Homes under the Hammer.
Thankfully, the government is now promising positive action against The Sniffles, with a goal to eradicate it now set for 2035.
“For too long, people have had to put up with a condition that leaves them sounding like Nina Simone for up to three days.” Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt said in a statement yesterday. “I promise you, that like Smallpox and Polio, through a rigorous programme of treatment, we set the ambitious but achievable target of eradicating this terrible affliction from our shores within the next twenty years.”
Responses from the media have been overwhelmingly positive, with Mr Hunt receiving lavish praise from many of the national newspapers. Despite the plaudits from many, some feel this work takes focus away from more pressing medical research. However, Mr. Hunt was quick to respond to these claims. “I assure all the detractors that this target will not affect any others that this government has in progress. We aim to strike many healthcare problems from the shores of this country – including bald spots and veruccas,“
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The Sniffles Remains Endemic in UK
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