France’s ‘first lady’ was rushed to hospital on Friday complaining of exhaustion, bad kama and an ironic sense déjà vu. Meanwhile President Francois Hollande shrugged off, in Gallic fashion, any suggestion that he was conforming to a national caricature by cheating on his partner; as he brandished a cheese baguette, an onion necklace and a sense of cultural superiority.
Hospital Staff have refused to comment on Valerie Trierweiler’s condition, but public opinion is one of ‘shock’, at her shock of being shocked. The twice married journalist was surprisingly astonished to discover that the man, with whom she had cheated on her previous husband with, may have been unfaithful. She was equally astounded by the public’s dismay of her own amazement of being stunned.
A spokesman for the President said he was aghast: ‘Anyone who has the least grasp of lazy French stereo-types will have expected this. Not only is Mr. Hollande considering suing Closer magazine for plagiarism over the title ‘Frenchman beds actress’ but he refutes the idea that French Presidents are all the same. Mr. Hollande has important matters of state to attend to – such as commenting on the recent strikes, criticising US foreign policy and finding the next war to lose’.