In a shocking revelation, Virginia Wade has confessed that she didn’t win Wimbledon in 1977 and that the whole thing was an elaborately staged plot.
‘I was actually knocked out of the competition in the first round,’ admitted Miss Wade, ‘but afterwards I was approached by a man from MI5. He asked me of I would participate in a top-secret project to commemorate the Queen’s Silver Jubilee. I could hardly refuse.’
The complex scheme involved the live television picture from the 1977 Women’s Final being switched at the last moment to a secret location at the Elstree film studios in Borehamwood.
‘I remember that they had spent millions recreating Centre Court,’ said Miss Wade, ‘it was packed with extras who cheered me to victory over my opponent Betty Stove, who was played by the young actor Martin Shaw. Even though he wasn’t a professional tennis player he was still drugged with a horse tranquilliser to make sure he didn’t accidentally beat me.’
The Queen, who hates tennis, is understood to have stayed at home that day so the Wimbledon trophy was actually awarded to Miss Wade by cross-dressing comedian Stanley Baxter.
Conspiracy theorists have been totally floored by the revelation. ‘We all knew about the Kennedy assassination, the faked moon landings and the lizards controlling the Earth,’ said expert David Icke, ‘but even I didn’t suspect Virginia Wade would do this. I feel such a fool.’
‘In those days a lot of sporting events were staged in the national interest to boost morale,’ said Miss Wade, ‘but I guess the British people are mature enough to cope with the truth now. And by the way, that 1966 World Cup thing...nah...never mind.’