Teachers up and down the country have today slammed a recent move to introduce standard classroom tests, dubbed 'classroom MOTs', after an early report revealed that thousands of experienced teachers are already facing ‘gruelling physical procedures', usually reserved for cars and motorbikes.
Shadow Education Secretary, Tristram Hunt, said; ‘you wouldn’t want your child to be driven to school in a dodgy Peugeot with faulty brakes and no oil, so why allow them to be taught by a faulty teacher? It may not seem appropriate to test an English teacher on her bodywork structure and CO2 emissions, but we haven’t yet formulated a standard test for teaching, so for now we’re just replicating the classic MOT.’
He added; ‘forcing a middle-aged history teacher to sprint on a rolling road whilst prodding him with a giant wrench may sound degrading and pointless, but the kids seem to like watching it’.
Mechanic Tim Robinson, who will be carrying out his first teacher MOT next week, said; ‘we’ll be sort of making things up as we go along really, there are no standard teacher MOT guidelines. I’ll be going back to my high school for the first time in ten-years to test-drive my old French teacher Mrs. Hart. Oh yes’.
After enduring a painful re-test, Bernard Ward, a now VOSA-approved mathematics teacher of fifteen-years, said; ‘It was awful; they burned me with a soldering iron. I absolutely agree that the introduction of a standard competency test for those working in the education sector could dramatically improve standards across the board, but how can I fail because of the tread on my shoes? That doesn’t seem fair’.
Mr. Ward added; ‘As for my exhaust and emissions test, I don’t really want to talk about that right now’.