Cartographers at the US Geological Survey have reported in a news conference that since the turn of the year, the state of Colorado is no longer square. "Its borders keep moving and changing" said lead cartographer Ziggy Stevens, "Sometimes it's like a weird looking octagon and sometimes its like a triangle with hands. You can never tell what its going to do next"
Amid reports of mysteriously emptied refrigerators in Western Kansas and Eastern Utah, people have been warned in New Mexico to be extra vigilant in case Colorado needs a chimichanga burrito with extra hot sauce at 3.30 in the morning.
"We did have a report of Nebraska and Wyoming being pushed aside during the night as Colorado tried to "high five" Saskachewan", said Dave "Slo-Mo" Parsons, "although why remains a mystery. But the US Geological Survey remains on high alert for geographic turbulence particularly on a Saturday night while Colorado watches TV and makes bizarre observations about old episodes of the Twilight Zone. Almost anything could set off a round of pointless arguing that Colorado can't remember the next morning."
The USGS also reported that Colorado appears to be changing height ranging from one and a half miles above sea level in Sterling to "300 miles above Neptune" in Durango
Reports of unwashed dishes and other crockery piling up in the Great Basin remain unconfirmed, although Western Oklahoma is starting to complain about the smell.