Hull unemployment exchange welcomed its newest signer on this morning in the form of local resident Mr B. L. Zebub. Having recently been ejected from his position within the Church of England’s ‘alternative service’ career pathway, an initially downcast B.L. Zebub suddenly erupted with fire and brimstone when asked to share his gifts and graces during his assessment interview.
Claiming to not really be interested in ‘sharing’ or helping’ or indeed ‘others’ but much more into 'me and mine' B.L. Zebub listed his skills and attributes in the form of postgraduate qualifications in temptation, leading astray, deviance and moral bankruptcy. Personal testimonies from a host of disgraced celebrities highlighted his effectiveness.
With the previously permanent cherubic smile no longer present on his face, B.L. Zebub looked quite the fallen angel. Having been promised what he assumed would be not a ‘job for life’ but possibly one for all eternity, B.L.Zebub has suddenly found himself surplus to requirements in the new baptism liturgy written by the lowerarchy in the Church of England, whom he believes are making entry into heaven simply child’s play.
Claiming no period of notice was given, final salary pension plan cancelled and health club membership including 24/7 steam room and hot tub terminated without consultation, B. L. Zebub is currently launching a claim for fair dismissal against Big J.C. Enterprises of Nazareth, whom he claims has lost all faith in his abilities despite centuries of blemished service.
"I can only hope the Church of England sees the error of its ways and repents of its sin" B.L. Zebub concluded. "I mean they might get a complete unknown to replace me and as everyone will tell you its better the Devil you know!"