The Chancellor today admitted to what is now looking like ‘an horrendous Christmas overspend’. Threatening to cut the welfare budget after the next election, Mr. Osborne confessed that he may have been profligate with the babycham for Theresa May, discount hotel vouchers for William Hague and the Blackadder boxset for Michael Gove.
Rather than show some moderation, it now looks like Mr. Osborne may have indulged a little too much in mince pies, mulled wine and tax havens for his Oxbridge chums. As one engorged Minister commented: ‘There’s only one thing worse than an Iain Duncan Smith size turkey...and that’s the possibility we may have mistakenly eaten Secretary of State for Work and Pensions. Come to think of it – has anyone seen Iain recently? Anyone..?’
Unable to solicit his usual £50,000 from Russian aluminium magnates or by avoiding capital gains tax, the Chancellor had hoped to spread his payments across a succession of Christmas catalogues. Now, unfortunately, it looks like he will have to return David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ to the Disney Store, disassemble Jeremy Hunt’s pop-up NHS and take Nick Clegg back to Battersea Dogs’ Home to be put down.