Google has launched a new year initiative to ease their London employees back into work after the Christmas break. After an extended period of eating, drinking and arguing, they aim to lure people back to their desks with a programme of gradual withdrawal.
Megan Batchelor, HR director of Google, said: ‘We understand that returning to work after the festive season is really difficult, and that even our wacky chairs, snugs and floral wallpaper aren’t enough to get people back into the office.’
The programme will begin by allowing staff to come to work in their pyjamas or, with special permission, their onesies, and turning a blind eye to them eating a breakfast of cold turkey, bread sauce and a pig-in-a-blanket at their desks. In the early afternoon each employee will receive a mince pie, a glass of mediocre red wine and a telephone call from a cantankerous elderly aunt. By late afternoon a herd of hyperactive under-5s will be released into the offices at which point staff will be encouraged to reach for the mint Baileys. Each employee will be allowed one minor indiscretion on the roof terrace , be it a snog with Gareth from Accounts or a raging argument during a game of Boggle, but any further incidents will be dealt with by removing their mistletoe privileges.
Batchelor continued: ‘We hope that after a few days of gradual withdrawal, staff will be able to survive with just a slice of stale Christmas cake for elevenses and a splash of eggnog from the back of the cupboard during meetings. And once they can get through the whole day without slagging off their in-laws, normal service will resume.’