The UK will be superior to its European neighbours within the next 59 years, according to a report from an 'influential' and 'independent' think-tank.
The report, 'Britain: Yea!', shows conclusively that Britons will be driving better cars, faster and more recklessly than Germans by 2032, and will be better equipped to boast about it afterwards. The quality of UK lager will also exceed German standards by 2071.
By 2051, the French will be lagging behind the Brits in romance quotients and appreciation of both art and fine cuisine. British women will be blonder than the Swedes in just 21 years, while British men will take a little longer (29 years) to become more macho and touchy-feely than those from the Balkan states.
Bournemouth will be richer, sunnier and more glamorous than Monaco by 2070, and Hull more mountainous than Val d'Isere.
An analyst from the think-tank in question said: "The fact that we have quantified all this with a sound methodology and no hidden agenda makes the results all the more surprising. Really, there's no need for anyone to actually read the report, especially not critically; news reports cribbed from our press release are perfectly adequate.
"Perceptions of our present inadequacy as a nation may have some basis in truth. We do currently have comparatively low standards of living and poor educational attainment. And there may be some truth in the accusations that we are, as a people, disinclined to engage with nature, politics, art and literature, human emotion, physical activity, or indeed anything other than X-Factor and TOWIE. But our research shows that the debt-ridden, rain-soaked, pasty, flabby, indifferent nature of our lives is likely to prove a short-lived phenomenon soon to be replaced by Heaven-decreed glory."
