I don't think this is intended to be nasty, and it is predicated on Schumacher making a speedy recovery, which now seems a little more likely, so I wouldn't shoot Custard Cream just yet. Probably best to wait till Schumacher's "sitting up in bed, laughing and joking with nurses" before this is used, though. In hope that he is indeed in a position to harmlessly flirt with hospital staff in the near future:
Awakening from a coma that has spanned two years, the seven-time Formula One champ will be gobsmacked by a world where on-line photo-sharing app Snapchat has had its security weaknesses exposed, how Sherlock faked his death is known, and rail ticket prices have risen by nearly 3% on average.
'Adjustments will take time, even for a man with Michael's talents,' explained Dr Schmidt. 'In Michael's mind, Phil "The Power" Taylor is still PDC world darts champion. We will have to be careful how we tell him that Van Gerwen now holds the title.'
There may also be disappointment to contend with, warns Dr Schmidt, as despite waking up in the future, Schumacher will soon learn that affordable personal jet packs remain unavailable.
...of course if he doesn't make a full and speedy recovery, you will be going to hell for submitting such a crass and tasteless attempt at humour.
At that point, CC, you will make me sick, you appalling twat.