The Duke of Cambridge is taking a short management course at Cambridge University, to acquire the skills he will need for running the Duchy of Cornwall. Modules will include talking to plants, bullying lackeys, the economics of small-scale biscuit production and the arcane distinctions between tax evasion and tax avoidance.
The Dean of the University has welcomed the duke to the faculty, while warning that he will be treated no differently to any other over-privileged representative of the ruling classes. “There will be only one addition to his staff’, said the dean, ‘the Inspector of the Royal Foreskin.’
Following in his father’s footsteps, William will learn how to keep a stiff upper lip, and bury his emotions way down deep, so deep that no-one will ever find them. He will be tutored in the deceptively simple disciplines of smiling and waving, with an advanced module covering ‘smiling and waving at the same time’. The heir to the throne will learn how to wait patiently for a loved-one to die, year after year after sodding year. The intensive ten-week course will conclude with the most valuable lesson of all, for any member of the royal family: how to yawn with his mouth closed...
