Following bribery and corruption allegations leveled at GSK, the pharmaceutical industry plans to promote their products through the power of ‘ribbons’, ‘spandex body suits’ and a judicious sprinkling of ‘jazz hands’. Medical practitioners will no longer be paid to make speeches but encouraged to ‘roll’ beside their lectern, with wide ‘arm swooshes’, accompanied by the sound of discordant nose flutes.
Rather than continue to spend 3bn yuan a year on travel agencies and consultancies, GSK will invest in colourful leggings, hair product and a subscription to Dance Monthly. A spokesman said: ‘Dancers are a great advert for physical well-being - with their muscular strength, motor fitness and exciting range of lavish costumes. Drug manufacturers are often accused of over-inflated prices but no one would think twice about paying for good seats to see Billy Elliot raise awareness of coeliac disease’.
Chinese police have warned that they would still be monitoring conferences to ensure that doctors keep commercial influence ‘out of their pirouettes’. Fiona Godlee, editor of the British Medical Journal, expressed concern that doctors had ‘been too ready to compromise themselves’; but welcomed attempts to set a gall bladder operation to the music of Philip Glass.
The GSK spokesman explained: ‘By embracing the performing arts, doctors will be able to improve our health while exploring the Alexander technique. Who can forget Martha Graham’s experimental representation of incontinence during the 1930s? And Merce Cunningham has a lot to say about erectile dysfunction.’