with tips to the previous contributors
One of the complaints many people have is that Christmas starts too early, normally around the end of September if high street stores are to be believed. Consequently by the time the actual day finally arrives, people are frizzled and tempers short. Enter stage left...the Christmas dinner family argument.
Esteemed leader of the non democratic republic of North Korea, Kim Jong-Un, has got these seasonal shenanigans off to an early start via a family dispute with his uncle Chang Song-thaek. Initially Kim thought the most potent weapon at his disposal to solve the issue over who sat next to who at Christmas dinner would simply be to "unfriend" his uncle on his Facebook account. This is normally enough to send shock waves racing across the ether and bring even the most dissident family member or "ex" friend to their senses. But not in North Korea. Possibly because they don't have the internet.
Uncle Chang appeared un phased by his "unfriending" and continued to undermine his nephews position at the head of the table by insisting on carving the family turkey himself. The final straw was when Chang Song-Theak tried unsuccessfully to plan the ultimate Christmas coup de Tat and wrest control of the TV remote, leaving Kim Jong Un with no alternative than to have his uncle shot, a plot development he is thought to have gleaned from the trailer for the Christmas day edition of Eastenders / Emmerdale / Coronation Street / Flog it...delete as appropriate.
The remaining family members of Kim's family are now believed to be drawing lots to see which of them is unlucky enough to enter the Russian roulette cracker pulling contest with Kim on Christmas Day for fear of him not getting the paper hat or understanding the festive joke. Pyongyang's sole decadent exclusive high street store for the ultra rich or Poundland as it is called in the democratic west, has also experienced a mass return of socks, jocks and chocs as relatives frantically attempt to upgrade Kim's Christmas present.
Hopefully, with this trifling family argument now resolved, Kim Jong Un can settle down to finishing off sending his seasonal greetings to the decadent bourgeois Western imperialist warmongering capitalist running dogs of the free world.