Following the debacle of the Mandela memorial being overshadowed by "fake" sign language, all future international events will be staffed by Australia’s ‘favourite joey’. Skippy will translate multiple dialects into a series of universally understood hind legs ‘thumps’, ‘clicking sounds’ and ‘rudimentary twerking’.
South Africa's deputy Disability Minister Hendrietta Bogopane-Zulu was the first to assure President Obama that interpreters would be able to translate his words: ‘...provided he sticks to the topic of hopping, the mocking of wallabies or warning when Joe Biden gets trapped down a mine shaft’.
As Sonny Hammond will attest, the kangaroo is a natural interpreter with its large feet, muscular tail and doctorate in modern languages. However, Deafblind associations have been less enthused by the use of marsupials - a spokesman said: ‘It is unclear how the visually impaired or deaf are expected to understand Skippy. However any efforts to translate Bob Dylan’s mumblings, Charlie Sheen’s twitter feed and the Offside Rule, would be greatly appreciated.’