England football manager, Roy Hodgson, today welcomed the decision of Uruguay to allow the cultivation, possession and personal use of marijuana as a potential boost to England's World Cup prospects.
Since the South American nation, who England have never yet beaten in the World Cup finals, announced the new drugs policy, Hodgson has been hard at work looking at ways to defeat these formidable opponents in the group stages and secure England's place in the knock out phase.
Expectations are high within the English FA that, with six months for the Uruguayan side to 'acclimatise to the new drugs regime', all their players will turn up to the crucial group match in Sao Paulo on June 19th completely and utterly stoned.
'This is a great boost for England; we've looked at how we expect them to play and have developed a whole new set of tactics around that,' enthused Hodgson at a hastily convened press conference, 'I don't want to give too much away, but for the first half they could well be staring at the lights changing on the scoreboard or the ad hoardings, pointing at things, and doing a lot of giggling. I see their midfield looking up at the ball at it goes on Route 1 from our goal mouth to theirs and falling over backwards like penguins as it whistles overhead. We could be in the quarters!'
Hodgson was accompanied by FA Chairman Greg Dyke who seemed far more relaxed than when the draw was decided, replacing his 'cut-throat' gesture with a mime about smoking a joint, inhaling deeply and slumping down in his chair looking 'chilled'.
'But they could come back at us in the second half,' cautioned Hodgson, 'We'll be watching closely to see when the giggling's about to stop and will need to adjust our game plan again. We'll run the ball up to the defence, stop, distract them with a bag of monster munch, get round behind them, back of the net.'
'Super,' he added.
The news has left England seemingly in a far better position and morale is sky high again, confirmed Hodgson, who hasn't yet selected his team although all the usual suspects are in the frame. 'If we get through this Uruguay game anything's possible,' he added, 'but a lot depends on Wayne Rooney keeping his toes out of trouble, Jack Wilshere not smoking anything at all, oh, and Joe Hart getting his confidence back by taking a shitload of cocaine.'