In a well-coordinated and executed crime involving over a hundred of the world's most unwanted men and women, Nelson Mandela's entire legacy has been stolen.
The heist took place in broad daylight in a stadium in South Africa in what experts are calling "an international act of unprecedented hypocrisy."
Using weapons of mass distraction (WMD) liars, dictators and old Etonians from all four corners of the globe converged on the FNB stadium in Johannesburg to make off with the greatness of a better man.
US President Barack Obama initiated the larceny by erecting a massive smokescreen. “There are too many leaders who claim solidarity with Madiba's struggle for freedom, but do not tolerate dissent from their own people,” he said while presiding over the mass surveillance of his own citizens.
The diversionary tactics then continued. "Let us pay tribute to Nelson Mandela: the ultimate symbol of freedom and justice," said Raul Castro, dictator of the police state, Cuba.
The two sworn enemies then shook hands before making off with the loot in their getaway planes - quickly followed by tens of co-conspirators.
Issuing a statement from its secret hideout, the leadership of the organisation claiming responsibility for the robbery warned that it would return to South Africa for the funeral. The group, which calls itself 'The International Community', said it wanted "to bury all its bad news along with Mr Mandela's body."