Following recent accusations of players deliberately getting yellow and red cards in betting scandals, the representatives of footballers with poor disciplinary records have issued a joint statement describing their clients as ‘violent and stupid but 100% honest’. The statement goes on to state that their own players’ red and yellow card offences were not motivated by illegal payments from gambling syndicates but by legitimate reasons such as being a racist moron with psychopathic tendencies.
The statement does not name individual players but is believed to include serial offenders at several Premier League Clubs, many of which would appear to have one or two complete knuckleheads in their squad. “Many of our clients have to make up for opposition players having more ability than them,” explains the statement. “They can only achieve this through working harder, being more determined and employing 100% honest but vicious, spiteful, over-the-top, career-threatening lunges after the ball has gone.”