America's international relations were in turmoil last night as Ed Snowden released a list of presents President Obama is intending to give other leaders around the world this Christmas.
In a document described by the Chief of the CIA as "the perfect gift for Al Qaeda" Snowden detailed which present was to be bought, its price and even individual notes made by the President to his Chief Purchaser, such as "try and get her the gingers; she's the only one in Parliament that likes them" or "just give him some money in a card, I think he's saving up for a new national stadium."
Highlights of the list, summarised in several national newspapers, have already led to strained relations as world leaders were able for the first time to compare the present they'd be receiving with those given to the leaders of other nations.
"A fucking selection box? Again!?" said a spokesman for the German Government, "and not even a half decent one, just that cheap Cadbury's rubbish he sends every year where no one ends up eating the Curlywurly and it just gets thrown away sometime around Easter."
The Prime Minister's office refused to comment on revelations that David Cameron would be getting the remote controlled car he'd asked for, and released a statement saying "we never respond to speculation regarding Christmas presents sent to the Prime Minister and only reply after the event in the form of a thank you letter."
A similar picture emerged from the Middle East and Asia where it appears that leaders of oil rich nations such as Saudi Arabia were receiving ipads and Playstations while others, such as Abdul Hamid, President of Bangladesh, had to make do with a five pound voucher from Boots.
However, it appears that the biggest loser in all this could be Ed Snowden himself, whose approval rating has plummeted following this latest leak. Having enjoyed ratings of 50-70% in many countries, and expecting various offers of asylum in 2014, he is now facing the real threat of extradition to the US thanks to a change in public opinion.
Wikileaks spokesperson Isobel Harrington explained:
"Of course we've always supported Ed Snowden's fight for the truth, his belief in democracy and uncovering the evils of Government that pose a real threat to privacy and freedom of speech. But quite frankly, looking at this latest incident, the bastard's clearly ruined Christmas for everyone. The world leaders won't have that sense of surprise on Christmas morning when they open their presents and for that they can hang him up by his bollocks and let the birds feed off him for all we care!"