Star football forward Garry Hacker, speaking by mobile 'phone from the wheel of his gold-plated Bugatti, admitted yesterday that he had allowed money to affect his performance on the pitch, but blamed senior figures in the game.
"Yeah well it was that Harry Blower innit - he was the manager of the team that week. It was him what talked mentioned money, big money. There was like this confidential meeting in the dressing room just before the match, just him, me and the rest of the team, and he laid it on real heavy. He made it clear, like, what he wanted us to do. He said
'Look, you bunch of fairies, we haven't won a match for six effing weeks. Get an effing grip. I want you to go out there and score some effing goals, right? That's what this misguided club is paying you for, right?'
It was like a subtle hint but I'm not stupid. I twigged what he wanted so I went out there and kicked the ball towards the other team's goal quite a few times. OK we lost again but I picked up £28,000 at the end of the week, as usual. Result!"