Joe Biden has made an impassioned plea for Beijing to stop narrowly defining their sphere of influence as ‘just East Asia’. Speaking to journalists the Vice-President made it clear that China needed to fulfil its role as the world’s only superpower and ‘wrap us up in their big strong arms’.
A spokesman for Mr. Biden said: ‘Being the largest trading nation is all very well but China needs to start protecting us from things that go bump in the night. It’s a scary world out there with all the fast-food strikes, twerking and Canadian Mayors on the rampage’.
China's new air defence identification zone (ADIZ) initially caused regional tensions but is now seen as the sky equivalent of an enormous ‘comfort blanket’. Naturally with great power comes great responsibility, but also comes great air pollution, cheaper than average electrical goods and simpering visits by David Cameron. The US hopes that China will also consider their request to extend the Great Wall, teach everyone kung fu and not get ‘too violent’ when we all default on their loans.