Journalists were left reeling from the revelation that many ordinary activities may be masquerading as Olympic sports. A spokesman for diving star Tom Daley said: ‘Recognition for gay and lesbian sexuality is one thing, but it’s much harder to admit that falling into water is a gravitational imperative not a skill’.
Up until now most divers have concealed their ‘performance enhancing use of gravity’. However there is clear evidence that they are moving ‘downwards at velocity’ with no more than an ‘embellished belly flop’. A spokesman for the Amateur Swimming Association, said: ‘To be the first sport to come out as less prestigious than first thought, is never easy. You can have all the rotation and kinaesthetic judgment you want, you are still essentially dropping lack a sack of potatoes while wearing speedos’.
Questions have now been raised about the legitimacy of other Olympic activities; Equestrian events have been labelled ‘lazy hurdles’, Beach Volleyball has been called ‘sandy porn’ and synchronized swimming is seen as ‘an elaborate cry for help’. However most sports fans were unsurprised by the announcement: ‘We’ve always known it was falling. In this day and age who cares? Who are we to judge? If a talking baboon can be Lord Mayor of London, why can’t we enjoy a bit of moist plummeting now and again?’