David Cameron and the Chinese Premier Li Keqiang held a joint press conference in the Great Hall today, at which the Prime Minister heaped praise on the Chinese leadership and their political system. However his Chinese hosts looked shocked and embarrassed when the British Prime Minister announced that he would be seeking political asylum in China.
Cameron explained that he was being text-bullied by Alex Salmond and anti-HS2 protesters to such an extent that he feared for his life. He also added that it would be good to get away from Nick Clegg.
Shortly afterwards Chinese sources reported that Cameron's asylum request was denied. They said he was a little too left wing for their taste, and suggested he try his luck in France.