Listeners to Radio 5 live tonight were shocked to hear, live on air, the mass suicide of the station's football presenters and pundits.
In a joint statement he read out, shortly before they all shot themselves, Mark 'Chappers' Chapman said that they could not go on any longer asking the same inane questions time and after time and analysing every trivial incident to death for hours on end.
'Can Arsenal finally win the title this year?',
'Why is Joe Hart good enough for England but not Man City?',
'Is Fellaini a Man United player?',
'Why can't referees be more consistent?',
'Why can't referees use their discretion?',
'Should the referee have given the throw in that led to the free kick that led to the corner that led to the goal that won the game?'
'I can't take it any more' he screamed, and the sound of gunfire echoed around the studio as he and fellow presenters Duncan Fletcher, Alan Green, Mark Pougatch and Ian Dennis, together with pundits Mark Lawrenson, Jimmy Armfield and David Pleat all ended their meaningless lives.
When asked how he felt, surviving presenter Robbie Savage admitted that ‘He still felt Arsenal were good enough to win the league this year.’