In order to minimise the possibility of any future communication issues or unfortunate misunderstandings between government ministers or other riffraff shuffling in and out of No. 10 and the local constabulary, the Met has reviewed its selection of officer to be selected for security duties in Downing Street.
Constables Rupert StJohn Willerby-Thomkinson, Montmorency Fortescue-Smythe and the Right Honourable Plantagenet Farquharson took up their duties this morning. Soon after starting his shift, Constable Rupert StJohn Willerby-Thomkinson was heard to say "I say old bean, would you be good enought to desist from riding your bicycle through that gate? There's a good chap." The grey-haired, besuited cyclist in question made no overt response but was overheard to mutter something along the lines of "Oh for fuck's sake, here we go again."