Checking one's iPhone for Facebook updates or following the latest tweet of a fave celeb, has now surpassed the satisfaction of drawing on a cigarette post-coitus.
According to a survey of 15,000 sexually active smokers, a staggering 95% of women said the post-coital puff no longer fills the emotional tristesse quite like seeing what their friends have been up to in the 3 minutes since they last logged on.
"Having a physical connection is all well and good," said glamour model Kitty Katt, clutching her new 5S, "and I'm not averse to a bit of backdoor action when the mood takes me, but once the hard-line drops off, I just have to go wi-fi" she smiley-face winked.
But keeping abreast of what the world and his wife are up to every minute of the day, has seemingly taken it's toll on the female libido, with over half of the women surveyed admitting that if push came to shove, a new Angry Birds download, beats the hubby’s monthly upload.
"It's true, no amount of romantic gestures can keep her off that bloody Internet. I've tried flowers, chocolates, mowing the lawn, cleaning the dog, I even donned the birthday suit and spotted dickie bow the other night, in the hope that she might avert her gaze from that bleedin’ iPad, but no, she’s just not interested” said an unsated George Smallcock of Littlehampton.
However, according to the survey, where George and countless more frustrated fellas are missing a trick, is nowadays, foreplay is conducted over text, email and instant messaging. And so having the latest communication technology is a must if you’re going to succeed with a woman.
“Sure, if a man want’s to get me between the sheets, he’s got to be good with his tweets” said single mother Holly Sweet, “Oh and a nice cock pic goes a long way too” she added candidly.
And it was this rising trend in the search for ‘fast love’ that proved the inspiration for datemytadger, the popular app for women (and some men) who, like Holly, haven’t the time to go through the rigmarole of traditional courting, and prefer to ‘pick a dick with just a one click’ as the app’s catchline says.
“Unfortunately, you get what pay for” said disgruntled user, Maureen Mahoney, who said she regrettably agreed to meet a ‘nice little chap’ from Redhill, only to be greeted by a one-eyed Harry Hill lookalike in a shabby pink roll neck.
As he fixed her with a monocular stare and a gormless grin, Ms Mahoney recalls thinking to herself……what are the chances of that happening?