Police and charity workers have liberated a 47-year-old woman from a terraced house in the suburbs of London after being alerted to claims that she had been living there for over 20 years during which time she repeatedly had to cook, clean and iron with 'barely a word of thanks'. A 52-year-old man, described by police as 'a miserable git', was arrested at the scene.
'People think that domestic servitude is a thing of the past, but it isn't so,' said campaign leader Andrea Marsden. 'Something like this could still be going on in the very street where you live. My case workers are already describing this as the worst case of insensitivity they have ever seen.'
As police continue their investigation, anti-grumpiness charities are calling for the public to watch out for partners who fail to pull their weight around the house. Marsden admitted that the symptoms vary, but typically include sighing, eye-rolling, disappearing to the pub whenever the words 'We need to talk' are mentioned and frequently watching repeats of Top Gear on Dave. Anyone sighting such a man is urged to alert police or, better still, Janet Street-Porter.
According to unconfirmed reports, two other victims were taken from the house, one of them a 15-year-old girl who has described her existence there as 'like, really pathetic'. It is understood that she has spent her whole life in the house without once being taken to a One Direction concert.
'Serial abusers can be extraordinarily good at conditioning people to mild sarcasm,' said Marsden. 'The ten-year-old boy we rescued from the house actually protested that he didn't want to go because, as he put it, "Dad's taking me to football next weekend". Absolutely heartbreaking. And we can't rule out the possibility that there was a sexual motivation to the main victim's captivity.'
[Hat tip to Midfield Diamond]